Misunderstandings Happen

I have recently been conducting research on nonverbal messages that occur during an interview interaction between the interviewer(s) and the interviewee. A statistic that I have repeatedly read (yet haven’t any definitive source to cite) is that only a small percentage of communication involves actual words, only 7% of communication involves words to be exact (at least from the statistics that I read). In fact 55% of communication is visual (body language, eye contact) and 38% is vocal (pitch, speed, volume, tone of voice). The most common body language attributes, mentioned in the research I found, that sway a person’s opinion of another are: eye contact, posture and hand gestures. Then there were several additional attributes mentioned at random. Some of these are more obscure, but a few I was surprised to find not mentioned with more regularity. They consist of: choice of positionality, smiling, fiddiling with props, bobbing your head, rocking or fidgeting, and mirroring your body language to match that of the interviwer’s. Alas, all communication, and that includes body language and other types of nonverbal messages, is ultimately left up to the perception or interpretation of its receiver. This is the epitome of how misunderstandings happen. The Fur-Kid

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus There was a popular self-help book in the 1990’s written by American author, and relationship counselor, John Gray. Gray suggested that the most common relationship problems between men and women are a result of fundamental differences between the genders, that men and women are from, relatively speaking, distinctly different planets, – men from Mars and women from Venus– and that each gender is acclimated to its own planet's society, customs, and LANGUAGE. Women are the “gatherers” who are drawn to working in groups and continually discussing the happenings in their lives. Men on the other hand are hunters who are created to work independently and since they have no one to converse with have acquired the distinct characteristic of keeping their life’s developments to themselves. These differences in language use become quite prominent when one is looking at it in the terms of interpersonal relationships. It almost becomes like a clash of the titans or like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. Can these language differences be overcome? Well that, in my opinion is up to the individuals. I don’t think there is one cure-all remedy to each gender being from its own planet, with its own society, customs, and LANGUAGE. The Fur-Kid

Involuntary attention

Involuntary attention…  I was on a plane the other day.   Have been on hundreds of plane trips and the initial flight information given on emergency procedures has become so hum-drum that I barely listen.  In fact most of the time it sounds like the teacher from Charlie Brown, “Wahn,wahn, wahn, wahn, wahn.”  And this was like all others, Wahn,wahn, wahn, wahn, wahn.”  That is until we were about ready to take off, we were building speed, I was doing homework and all of a sudden WHAM, the brakes went on and I was jolted into reality.  My attention then became voluntary as I wanted to know if we were ok and what the heck just happened.  Attention takes place in short increments.  So many times, especially if it is something we have heard before or it is something we are not interested in, we listen but not really, perhaps we “go to Jamaica” for a visit.  So how do we listen?  We make a conscious decision to pay attention.

The Fur-Kid 

To Judge or Not to Judge?

Is it possible to perceive others without somewhat judging or categorizing them?  I don’t think so.  As humans we categorize and/or judge in order to process or understand another.  We frequently use the schemata of Person Prototypes to form impressions and to understand or interpret messages of others.   Person Prototypes are the idealized representations of a certain kind of person.  W, as humans draw these assumptions based on past experience and transference of others real or made up (as in fibs and television or movies) understanding of a certain type of person.  Even though this may help us to identify people this way but it may also lead to stereotyping; which can be unfair in judgment and causing discrimination.  So if this is a natural human instinct in order to attempt to comprehend and understand others and it can lead to the negative outcome of discrimination, how do we make these judgments fairer?  Well there is a process that can help but it takes a conscious effort.  This process is known as mindful processing.  Mindful processing requires a person to be in a place where they are in a hyper-vigilant state of awareness.  They are constantly aware of both the past and the present and are able to separate experiences and perceptions, taking each person and situation on as unique so that they do not automatically process on formation without thinking it to through and separating it. Personally this does not sound completely realistic.  I believe human behavior is mostly intuitive and many times they/we don’t even realize what we are doing or not doing.  If we were to implement mindful processing, it would be just that, a process, and a slow one. So, should we judge/categorize others?  No, but do we and will we?  Yes and it will always come with both positives and negatives.


The Fur-Kid